Mind over matter

Engaged
in a battle of wits
in a conflict of interests
my heart
my mind
myself.

My heart
with a mind of its own
chooses to err
to fall again
like so many times before
forming a pattern
a heartbeat
a tempo
the beat
to the soundtrack of my life

My mind
thinking with its heart
indulges my heart smilingly
looking on with a wizened smile
as my heart makes mistakes it can not repair
not giving choices much thought

Its mind over matter
My mind never says
I told you so.

Following the crowd

I learnt an amazing lesson last week.
I didn't work on Thankgiving. Some friends and I decided to take advantage of the day off and spent the day in the city. (NYC)
Due to the Macy's parade, Broadway and all the streets leading into Broadway were closed off to vehicles and pedestrians, so we had a very hard time getting to where we wanted to get.The weather was nice and we decided to walk down Fifth Avenue and enjoy the view. We found ourselves walking against the crowd, as hundreds of people were walking towards the higher street numbers to try to get into the parade.
We had walked about 7 blocks before a middle-aged guy stopped us and said he had a question to ask us. Sure, we said, go ahead. I understand why I'm following the crowd, he says, but why are you guys walking against the crowd?
We told him it was a very good question and that all the streets were closed anyway.He thanked us for saving him time and left.
My thoughts: How many times do we see the few individuals who refuse to blend in, going against the crowd and being different from the "everyone" we have come to admire and idolize? More often than not, these people are considered strange and unreasonable. Do we ever bother to find out what lies behind their behavior? Maybe if we would take the time to ask and learn from other people's mistakes and experiences, life would be so much easier.
Maybe I'm wrong. Let me know what you think.

Friends

I got this from a very good friend of mine.

Me And You Is Friends ...
You Smile, I Smile .....
You Hurt, I Hurt ....
You Cry, I Cry ...
You Jump Off A Bridge ...
I Gonna Miss You

I think it's beautiful, even if the wording is a bit crude. Thanks, S!
And to all my friends out there(and you know who you are), don't go jumpin off any bridges cause I'm gonna miss you real bad.

The perfect job

I enjoy meeting new people. I enjoy the formality , the "getting to know you" stage, the way you almost always find a mutual acquaintance(or in the very least, a mutual interest) and the way there is tons to talk about when you are filling each others in on your lives.
Small wonder then, that I always strike up conversations with strangers. Not all strangers, but if there's a long line at the bank and my other option is looking at the back of their hairdo while pretending not to stare, I'd rather talk. ( My idea of "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em." )
Somewhere along that path(in the airport waiting for a delayed connecting flight) I bumped into Jannice. Jannice is originally from New Zealand but now lives in California. She works at one of those theme parks (Universal Studios?). You know how they have these haunted houses with dummy monsters and skeletons?
Well, Jannice is a "real" monster. She wears a scary mask and jumps onto the people passing "her tunnel."Oh, and she also has to scream "aaaiiiiiiiiii" as they pass her.
That's all. She loves her job (thank you for asking) and gets paid very well.
Got me thinking: While most of the world wakes up grumpy on Monday morning and counts down the days till the weekend, Jannice wakes up every day, takes a deep breath and says "yippeee, it's time for work!!"

Of pictures and guilt feelings

Eli is 6.
The other night we were looking at pictures from when he was a "little boy". He turns the page, and I avoid looking at the next picture which makes me feel like a horrible person every time I see it.
Eli was in nursery at that time. It was the day before purim when all the kids go to school in their costumes. Me, being the inexperienced new mother busy with Mishloach Manos and themes, did not know this.
About a week later, each kid got a laminated class picture taken at their purim party, Eli being the only kid not in costume. Eli insisted on putting the picture in his album.

It's 3 years later and every year since, I make it up to him by getting him glamorous costumes with all the accesories.

He has forgiven me, but he still hasn't forgotten the "incident".

Scary thought, who knows how many other "incidents" he hasn't forgotten and I will probably never get a chance to clear up with him?

The ID, The Ego and The Superego

The way I see it (and based on classic Freudian theories which to me make a lot of sense) there are three types of people.
The "ID" people- I am me. I have needs. My needs need to be taken care of. Others matter to me if I have use out of them or if it makes me look good. It's that simple.
The "Ego" people- I am me. I have needs. Others matter to me, as long as they don't cause me any discomfort or too much effort on my part. Hey, I'm a nice person but I gotta think of myself first.
The "Superego"tistic people- I am me. I have needs. Others matter to me a lot and I will do anything for practically anyone. It's ok, I'll get to "me" later.

This week, I learnt (the hard way) that superegotistic people get stepped on..
all the time!!

End of rant.

Finding Happiness

I got this quote from H. H is one my closest friends.

"Did you know that we forfeit three-fourths of ourselves in order to be like other people? "

My comments:
Sad. True.

Lets talk about happiness. Simchas hachayim, simchas hanefesh.. Happiness is the fuel that keeps us going through life. Depression brings us down. Everybody knows that.
To me, happiness means fullfillment. Fullfillment means being myself, the person I really am, as opposed to the image I am supposed to maintain or the personality I am expected to portray.
Happiness means accomplishing things that I want to accomplish in life, even if others around me don't agree with it.
It means making my own choices . My own decisions.
Happiness means voicing my opinions and speaking up for myself ,even in situations when doing so makes me the odd man/woman out.
Happiness means going to sleep at night with a thousand things on my mind.
It means realizing it is almost midnight and my mental "To Do List" still has a couple of things on it that has not been checked off.
When I find myself wishing that my days were longer.
That, to me is fullfillment and happiness.
It takes confidence and a lot of guts.
It means being my own cheerleader.
It means standing out and being different.
Oh, and it means cutting out the people in my life who "know better" and hinder me from moving forward in life.

The Quitter

I got this from a friend of mine. Thanks, B.

Fate handed the quitter a bump, and he dropped;
The road seemed too rough to go, so he stopped.
He thought of his hurt, and there came to his mind
The easier path he was leaving behind.
Oh, it's all much too hard, said the quitter right then;
I'll stop where I am and not try it again.
He sat by the road and he made up his tale
To tell when men asked why he happened to fail.
A thousand excuses flew up to his tongue,
And these on the thread of his story he strung,
But the truth of the matter he didn't admit;
He never once said, I was frightened and quit.
Whenever the quitter sits down by the road
And drops from the struggle to lighten his load,
He can always recall to his own peace of mind
A string of excuses for falling behind;
But somehow or other he can't think of one
Good reason for battling and going right on.
Oh, when the bump comes and fate hands you a jar,
Don't baby yourself, boy, whoever you are;
Don't pity yourself and talk over your woes;
Don't think up excuses for dodging the blows.
But stick to the battle and see the thing through.
And don't be a quitter, whatever you do.